5 WAYS TO BE YOUR SPOUSE’S BEST FRIEND
You can be your spouse’s best friend and strengthen your marriage. This blog will focus on 5 ways you can be your spouse’s best friend. Do you remember the sweet friendship you developed with your spouse during the time you were dating? Yes, that friendship can grow and have a positive effect on your marriage. A study found that generally, couples who perceive each other as best friends show higher marriage and life satisfaction (Grover & Helliwell, 2019, p. 385).
Many people believe that this unique friendship developed during the dating period will continue naturally after getting married. However, just like other friendships you have, the friendship with your spouse needs intentional nurturing and care so that you can become or continue to be your spouse’s best friend.
When you become your spouse’s best friend, you experience a love connection. You share more openly as your trust in each other grows.
Here are 5 practical ways to help you and your spouse to make your friendship grow and thrive. Consequently, you will develop the emotional, intellectual, and physical intimacy you desire.
#1 Be a Great Listener
We create friendships through conversations. When you listen to your spouse without overreacting or interrupting, you allow your spouse to share his or her mind and heart with you. You also create a safe space in which your spouse feels heard and understood. As a result, trust increases, and it helps you become your spouse’s confidant and best friend.
How can you become a great listener? Try to listen attentively when your spouse is talking with you. You can lean forward to show interest. It is essential to focus on your spouse. Then, ask follow-up questions and remain engaged in the conversation. If possible, invite your spouse to sit closer to you or go for walks to make the conversation more meaningful and intimate.
#2 Enter Into Your Spouse’s World
As you enter your spouse’s world, you strengthen your friendship. Therefore, you need to show genuine interest in what your spouse enjoys. We do not mean that you should give up your interests and hobbies or pretend you like something you don’t. Instead, we are saying that you need to show interest in the good things that make your spouse happy.
For example, if your spouse loves fishing, consider going fishing with your spouse whenever possible. If you can’t go fishing, you may watch videos about fishing together. If your spouse likes watching cooking shows, you can watch a few cooking shows together as part of your date night. You may even try cooking new recipes together.
#3 Have Fun with Your Spouse
When you and your spouse were dating, you probably did many fun activities together, right? So, discover what stirs your spouse. If fun to your spouse spells “theater” or “visits to antique stores,” then incorporate those activities into your schedule. When you make time to have fun together, you allow your spouse to see a different and more friendly side of you.
#4 Discover and meet your spouse’s needs
Good friends try to meet each other’s needs. You are not going to meet all of your spouse’s needs. However, there are some needs that only you can meet.
Your spouse has physical, emotional, relational, and spiritual needs. When you listen to your spouse attentively, you will find out what your spouse’s needs are on a given day. If your spouse has difficulties sharing his/her needs with you, perhaps you could ask him/her to make a list of his/her needs. Then, you can try to find ways to meet those needs as much as possible.
#5 Be Faithful to your spouse
A friend is someone you can trust with all your heart. Your spouse wants to trust you and be trusted by you. Therefore, you need to be a trustworthy person whose words and actions are congruent. As a result, you will strengthen your friendship with your spouse. So, developing boundaries with the opposite sex, not viewing pornography, and being accountable to your spouse are ways to protect your marriage and friendship with your spouse and be faithful.
Now that you know that your friendship with your spouse needs nurturing, you can create a plan of action and implement these 5 ways to be your spouse’s best friend. Then, you will be able to watch your friendship with your spouse soar to new heights and take you to a happier place as a couple. Similarly to the Shulamite who refers to her groom as her friend, “This is my beloved, this is my friend, daughters of Jerusalem” Song of Songs 5:16 (NIV).
Drs. Elias and Denise Moitinho
Reference
Grover, S. & Helliwell, J. F. (2019). How’s Life at Home? New Evidence on Marriage and the Set Point for Happiness. Journal of Happiness Studies, 20(2), 373-390. doi:10.1007/s10902-01
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